Is it really real?

After learning through experience, I have found that it is best to keep my opinions to myself unless I am specifically asked for them. Even when I am asked for my opinion, I should tone it down as much as possible, since most people really don't want your opinion, they actually just want to you to agree with whatever poppycock they are spouting at the moment.

I know a woman that is dating this man. As it has been relayed to me, the man is separated from his wife. In reference to the separation, he has told her that the entire marriage was a mistake and he got her pregnant on accident, but he loves his son. They are separated, however, he has not filed for divorce nor separation. (Does that mean they are just "verbally" separated?) He supposedly  is concerned with the custody of his child as he knows that it is going to be a custody battle. He no longer lives with his wife and has his own house and lives alone.

When she asks about filing for divorce and how it's going, he gets an attitude. When she finally asks him, how soon after the divorce do you think that we will get married,  his response was, well, we would really have to get to know each other and then go from there. (They've been dating for two years. How well do you they really need to get to know each other?)

She stopped seeing him and then started seeing him again. She now claims they're like best friends. ( I was unaware that you had sex with your best friend) He does ignorant things to her like tell her go to hell etc just to get a rise out of her to see how she will react. She blows up his phone, they have it out, and then they are back to square one. Yet she still sticks around after all of this. Is that really how a friend treats a friend? She swears that he's the most real guy that she's met in this town. She swears she loves him, he loves her, and that he's the person that she's supposed to marry. What does love really look like?

I have a few questions: is he really going to divorce his wife or is it just cheaper to keep her? Is he stringing the woman along? Is she his mistress? He has been disrespecting her for the past two years by not even filing for divorce? Are they really dating since he is legally still married? What's really going on? Why hasn't she stopped talking to him?Why is he stringing her along as such.

Do you have any insight on this? I'm certainly confused and would like some clarification.

PS. no, this is most definitely not me.

Forgot to mention

I left out a very vital detail of my weekend. In an attempt to move past the intense emotional incapacitation (is that even a word?) from last week, I went on a date Friday night! It was a guy that I had been knowing a while, that apparently had been feeling me, so he invited me out. Even though, I was not remotely close to being ready to move on, I figured anything was better than sitting at home on a Friday night feeling sorry for myself and my lost love.

Since I had already  been knowing him, I allowed him to actually come to my house and pick me up. I never do that! Talk about a step in the right direction! He had only been to this area in Dallas called the Bishop Arts District once, so he wanted to walk around there and check other restaurants. We ended up going to one of my favorite places out there called Bolsa.

Now... this guy is very open. Open as in, he is open to trying just about anything once. Still unclear on what that means? Let me give an example. He was trying to encourage me to try ostrich meat. I don't even know where you find ostrich meat, but he went on and on about how good it was! When we were at Bolsa, and he wanted to try the rabbit sausage, I was not surprised! Because I'm a good sport, and I'm pretty open to trying almost anything new, I went for it. Was it nasty? Not at all. In all actuality, it was quite tasty. It looked and tasted like Eckrich turkey sausage. Go figure huh? ( I was glad too, since everyone swears that most "other" meats taste like chicken)

I think I was most excited that he was a wine drinker. As I have learned in the past, let the man do his thing and take control unless instructed otherwise, he picked a damn good Chardonnay!

The conversation was great and he certainly kept my mind off of TP for that evening.How about the next day, he met me for brunch and then volunteered to go Christmas shopping with me! I thought I was hallucinating! He was actually quite helpful too! I picked out some great  gifts for my family!

 I'm not healed from "him" but I feel like I am moving int he right direction with making sure I stay busy and meeting other people. I'm praying on forgiving myself for all the things that I didn't do so that the guilt won't eat me up, but to also forgive him for all the things that he did to me in the past. I never completely let that go, and I'm pretty sure that's a huge part of why he and I couldn't get too far.I think if I can forgive myself and him, a lot of the pain and sorrow would be alleviated.

Will I go out with this new guy again! I sure would like to!

Same ish different day

I was cleaning up and room and was going through a lot of things that needed to be thrown away a long time ago and I came across an old notebook. It was listing my peaks and pits of my day. It only had one date listed and it was about this same date this time last year. I read it, and burst into tears. Th same thing that I'm going through now, is what I was relatively going through this time last year.

The first thing I thought was, how could I be so stupid?! This is all my fault. First time, shame on him. Second time, shame on me. Yes. I feel super upset about my part in it, but also on how I just refused to pay attention to sign a when they were all there. My emotions got caught up in everything, along with mental and physical. There's so many lessons I learned from everything.

I do still believe that I love him. Everyday I come up with something I could have done differently. Now I just have to live with my choices. At this point, I don't particularly feel like they're good choices. It is what it is though. I just hope each day gets easier.

I have to remind myself of this

It's been a while, so much has happened

The wonderful fireman that I raved about. I haven't heard from him in a month. Not surprised. He had a whole lot more skeletons in his closet than I cared to look into. Don't get me started on his child's mother, who I'm pretty sure got pregnant on purpose, is probably trying to get back with him right now as I'm typing this. Let's just be honest. Any pregnancies after 21 is pretty much on purpose. if you can afford  to buy alcohol and porn, you can afford to take your ass down to Planned Parenthood and pick up a pack of ortho-tricylcen.







Something I have yet to speak on: It's hard to put your feelings down when you're really just a big huge ball of emotion. The guy I've been seeing off and on for about a year and half now pretty much officially broke up with me and told me it was over.Cue up, hit the road jack. He told me, in little to no words ( I saw it on facebook)  he was in relationship with someone else. Not that I didn't see it coming, not that I didn't think that we had a strange relationship, but, it just sucks to to be rejected. I wanted to get back together and then I didn't. He tried, and tried, and I had such a difficult time getting past things that he did before, I couldn't even see that he was trying because I was still upset and holding grudges. Of course, I didn't see any of these things until right now, when it's too late. I honestly feel like I loved him, hell, still do, but it seems like my selfishness and being blinded by complete foolishness got the best of me and now I have to suffer my own punishment.

That too little too late stuff is so real. 

Texting him and calling him and crying and apologizing and crying some more and apologizing even harder with hopes that he'll change his mind never works. I didn't expect for it to, but I did feel that I owed him an apology. I thought about how much I must've hurt his feelings. Been there, and I completely understand that horrid rechid feeling. That for damn sure deserved an apology as I never want to hurt anyone's feelings period. He told me that I didn't owe him an apology at all, and that we were cool, but I had to apologize anyway.  

There's probably ten thousand things I could do differently, but at this point, I'm just trying not to cry and think about how I need to make myself a better person for the next relationship. When would that freaking be? I have no clue. Especially since, I wake up every single morning thinking about him and how I screwed things up and that it's all my fault and it's just not fixable period. The bestie says, I'll appreciate the next man a whole lot more. She's probably right, but, it's hard to think that far in advance when you feel like poo about the entire situation. My other  girlfriend wasn't particularly his biggest fan, but she was supportive even when he screwed up. And he screwed up a lot. She says it's about how you grow from it. Everything is about to make me grow the size of giant. 

Oh. This guy. His name is TP.

And the winner is...

Loving it. Just loving it.

I was nervous. Nauseous. I could not focus all day at work. I felt so unproductive as I was just stressing over the results. So many people were saying, oh, we have in the bag, we're going to win. I believed we could win, but I did not want to count my chickens before they hatched!You never know with these things.

I refused to sit around the house and wait by myself for the results to roll in, so I went to a watch party and it made me feel soooo much better! Still nervous until the electoral college count went up to 274, but it was worth it!

I stayed up super late trying to catch both speeches but I could not hang! I passed out. I bet I slept super easy though!

Who were you routing for? Were you happy with the results?

Election Date

It's Election Day! Let's Rock the Vote!

Date #2

Date #2

After being pleased with my first date with the fireman, I decided to give the second date a go. He let me call the shots with the first date and let me choose the place so, for the second date; I made sure to let him make the call.

Initially, we were supposed to get together around lunch time, but I ended up having to do a favor for a friend and had to bail, however, I did make it a point to let him know that I hadn’t forgotten about him and our plans and texted him. After receiving no response whatsoever via text, I gave him call. Silly me, I forgot that he was studying all day since he’s in school to be a paramedic. Of course he picked up with the quickness when he saw me calling though!

After going back and forth about what we were going to do, he finally made a decision. He decided that we were going to go to Macaroni Grill and then go to the movies.

I was kind of excited about going to the Macaroni Grill since I had never been there before AND he remembered that I had been wanting to see Paranormal Activity 4 so I was uber ecstatic! (yay for guys that pay attention!)

I sure was NOT comfortable with him picking me up at my house just yet (he does not need to know where I live just yet), so I met him at the restaurant. He was waiting outside for me (which made me a little happy on the inside especially since, if it was me, I’d be waiting on the inside at the bar, in the warmth) and gave me a big hug when he saw me. We go in and get seated and because I tend to be subconsciously observant, I noticed the server was super cute. (I know, really? Elle? I have got to do better and focus on more important things) I was super overwhelmed with all the wonderful options so when I asked the server his option, he made it a point to go through just about every single option on the menu. I have reason to believe that he was flirting with me but I tried my best to play it off and shoo him away subtly in front of my date.

I couldn’t tell you the name of what I ordered but, it was grilled something with lettuce and angel hair pasta. The conversation was great and I got a little more insight on he, and his family, and his 4 other siblings. (Why does that seem like a lot of siblings to me?) Amazingly, they all seem pretty normal. The do lots of “family like” stuff like my family do and seem to have traditions and things that they do around the holidays, which I REALLY like! 

After dinner we left and we went to the movies. I’m a nerd and I like scary movies. Not blood and gore and guts, but scary movies that give you the willies and make you want to figure out how they created the effects. I’ve seen Paranormal Activity 1-3, so seeing Paranormal Activity 4 was an absolute must! We watched it and the movie didn’t make me jump throughout the movie as the other 3, but the last 20 minutes was certainly a clincher! (Getting to jump back and squeeze his hand when I got “scared” was a super bonus too, as I also got to practice my surprised yet pleasantly scared facial expressions)

When the date ended, he walked me to my car and no way did we kiss in the mouth. I haven’t even kissed him on the cheek. A hug is sufficient at this point. I most definitely want to see him again though. He seems like he’s genuinely a good guy!  Maybe he and I could find something fun to do for Halloween? I'm definitely taking suggestions on that!

My next project is to pick a date (since I assume it will be my turn to choose), that does not involve eating but more physical activity like rock climbing or arts and crafts or something. I don’t want to break the bank though. Dating gets expensive and I think the right thing for me to do would be for me to come up with something and actually pay for it so he's not always stuck out.

What kind of date could I take us on that’s fun and different and is cost effective? Any suggestions?

Match.com Date

Remember how I talked about finally being brave enough to check out Match.com? Well, this weekend I got even more brave and even went on a date with a guy from Match.com! Even better,  he's a fireman! I've always wanted to date a fireman!

On Match, you can “wink” at someone as your way of letting them know that you’re interested, before actually attempting to send something semi-reasonable and borderline corny to their inbox. (In facebook lingo, it would be “poking” someone, but not nearly as annoying).

He winks at me, and I wink back and I muster up the balls to actually send him something that wasn’t corny (and I am corny so I’m not quite sure how what I sent, wasn't corny) . I’m pretty sure I asked him where he was from or how long he’d lived here; something that would force him to write something back to me. He writes me back and we do this back and forth game and he finally gives me his number and puts the ball in my court. (granted, if this was face to face, I’d probably be salty as he should have asked me for my number, but since email has no real tone, I didn’t think anything of it).

I had an extremely long day Saturday, but he seemed pretty together, so I texted him and we went back and forth for a couple hours and he finally got the balls to call me! ( you wouldn’t believe how I squealed like a school girl when his number popped up! You would swear I was 16 again and made everyone in the house shut up so I could sound cool!)

We chatted for a good 30 minutes to an hour and we really hit it off and seemed to have a lot in common. He really took it to the next level and asked me out to dinner! I was UBER impressed! (Since normally I’m like, uh, can we do something a little more creative instead of stuff our faces?) So we met up Saturday evening at Oddfellows (because I’m no fool, we need to be in a public place) and it was a very nice yet still casual first date.

Granted, he did not look like the picture he had posted online. The picture online was obviously a younger photo of him from college but I let him slide since my picture wasn’t exactly the most recent. He did favor his picture but older and more muscular (which I LOVED and I always wanted to date a hot fireman anyway!)  I will say though, that he got major kudos for telling me that pictures do me no justice and that I’m amazing in person.The conversation was very light and fun. We joked a lot, which I enjoyed ( I hate it when guys are too serious and don’t have a goofy side! I’m like uh… do you know who you’re talking to right now? My favorite movie is Ace Ventura: Pet Detective).

We didn’t make it a long night and he was very gentleman-ly ( is that even a word? Probably not, I bet I made it up). He pulled my chair out, opened the door for me, paid the tab etc (in short, all the things a man is supposed to do that he should not be getting credit for)  and most importantly, DID NOT GO IN FOR A KISS when he walked me to my car. (that’s nasty, mono is real. I don’t kiss folks in the mouth all willy nilly) He sooooooo would have gotten his feelings hurt if he did try that! He got a light one armed hug (because I didn’t want to press my boobies against him so he can inhale the scents that make me wonderful)  and we went our separate ways.

He texted me when he got home to make sure I got home safely (although I went to a party afterwards- but that’s another story). I appreciated the fact that he was just checking on me. We texted the next day and actually I can’t wait to go out with him again! He’s a cool dude!

Here’s the question: where should we go on our next date? He’s pretty much open to  just about anything I want to do, so I should certainly make it a good one! Any suggestions? I definitely want something interactive!

Man Type: The Name Dropper

I was at a conference recently in Houston. I noticed a guy looking at me, so it then became my personal mission to get him to talk to me.

I made sure to walk past him in my best  America’s Next Top Model walk ever, and he mumbled something inaudible to me. I passed him and acted like I didn’t hear him (in which, I really wasn’t acting since I actually did not know what on earth he said). When I came back around (since I clearly had an imaginary friend I was going to speak to since I needed a reason to walk past him), I stopped and spoke to him and he took it from there.

He was handsome. Average, well, maybe below average height for a man as I had on stilettos and he was shorter than me.  His name was Rick and he had a super deep voice. It was attractive, but it was borderline questionable as to, do you chain smoke alone at night?

He’s from Omaha, Nebraska, went to school in Houston, but currently lived in Los Angeles. ( I know, What the hell?) I couldn’t tell you what we talked about, but apparently, I intrigued him enough  for him to ask me for my phone number. I’m thinking, ok, he seems like a pretty decent guy. Someone to take me out when he’s in my city, since he made it clear that he travels a lot and would be more than happy to fly to come and see me.

The conference ends, and we go back to our own cities. We converse on the phone a few times and I kid you not, I started to feel like I was duped! Have you ever felt like you were getting someone’s representative? Like, the person that you met and the person you were talking to on the phone the first few times was not really the person that you thought they were? This is how I felt when I spoke to this guy! It was cool at first, and then wham! I get this completely different person! He turned out to be a name dropper! That is like the kiss of death!

This man could not get through a conversation without talking about a celebrity that he knew, met, or was friends with. From Paul Pierce, Ray J, Vivica Foxx, to Jay-Z. The list goes on! He swears being with those kinds of people was a part of his job and it wouldn’t be “natural” for him not to reference names. The entire time he’s explaining this, I’m thinking, what the bloody hell?! Who does that?  A normal person would not do this! When I talk about work to my friends, I’m not going to mention names of people they don’t know because they wouldn’t know who the freak I was talking about.

My thought process was, okay, we won’t talk about work. There are so many other things we can talk about. Apparently, I was wrong with that assumption as well, as he manages to weasel in references to his “celebrity” friends.

As I try to seem interested, I feel like I’m doing a piss poor job. I’m thinking, ok this will be the last time we speak, I’ll just hang in long enough until he gets tired of hearing his own voice. HA! Wrong again. He asks me on a date.

#FML

Have you ever met a guy like this? How would you handle the situation?

He likes it, so I like it, right?

To answer the headline question, Absolutely not!

I loathe seeing women, well, actually, men and women for that matter, change themselves, just because of who they may be seeing at the moment. So many times I've seen more women than men mostly, start pretending to like something, mainly because their boyfriend likes something. Basketball, football, darts, monster truck rallies, etc. Sound familiar?

I'm not for this, ever! Why should you have to pretend to like something, just because someone else does? Differences is what makes the world go around!

I will have to admit, there aren't too many things that I feel I may need to "pretend" to like, but, if there is something that I happen to not be "into", I'll make an honest attempt to take an interest in what you like, even if I need to say a little prayer before the activity takes place. Dating and relationships are about compromise right?

I'm not the biggest football fan, mainly because I don't always understand what the haites the referees are talking about half of the time, but the remainder of the times, it's actually quite intense and interesting. When hanging out with men, I'm fully aware I cannot ask random questions about the sport as to not annoy all the men in the room, but I do tend to save the more important questions for commercials and half time. Also, if watching a football game together is a means for us to spend quality time together, then I'll take it! I tend to make everything that I do fun, so it's never nearly as bad as I create it to be.

I must say, the one thing I did do that bored me stiff, was when I dated a guy that played flag football, and I had to pretend that I enjoyed it. I don't really like flag football (just because, there are too man rules of what you "can't" do to me),  but the flag football wasn't the problem. It was the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad news bears team he was a part of that irked the crap out of me. (In case you're wondering, no, this was not in college, this was grown men in their late twenties and thirties that were trying to re-live their NFL dreams via flag football). I think I have been more entertained at a 1st grade soccer game. You can imagine how excited I was when we stopped seeing each other! it was a dream come true! Ever since that debacle, I didn't do that again! Lesson learned!

Be yourself, that's always the policy for me, and if you don't like something that someone you're dating likes, it's ok! You're not going to like what everyone likes all the time.

Have you ever dated someone that you felt like you needed to pretend to like to keep them into you? Did it work out? What was the result?

Help! I'm not attracted to him!

Ever met guy that has the complete package?

How's this description for you:  Kind, considerate, sweet, goal orientated, and has a stable job. Involved in the community. Owns a large 3 story home with pool and service quarters in the backyard that he's actually renting out. Loves to travel to exotic places. Very open to trying new things. He has a great relationship with his family. Sounds like a prince right?

Too bad you have no attraction to him whatsoever!

Has this ever happened to any of you? This has happened to me  and my girlfriends one too many times. At some point I started to think that something was wrong with us!

My friend JJ, met this guy named Beal. He had everything listed in the description above. Too bad, she had no attraction to this guy whatsoever. He took her on great dates and provided good conversation. Technically, she should be in love with him, right? He liked her bunches! If only it was that cut and dry.

Although my friend JJ was having a great time with him, she knew it was going no where after about the 4th date. She did make an honest attempt to be friends with him though. I mean, a girl has to keep a plethora of social options available, right? After she slapped him into the friend zone , he decides to have a small house party. He of course invites her, and she lets the wheels start turning in her head. She thinks, he's not cute and  I have no attraction to him whatsoever, but maybe he has cute friends! Why not bring my friends to meet his friends? Smart right?!

We go the party. Cute guy friends indeed were there. I do get approached  by one, and I'm thinking yay! Go me! I go on a date with the guy, and come to realize, this guy is not nearly as cute as I thought he was! Curse the effects of meeting a guy in a dimly lit house!

The same thing that happed to my friend JJ, is the same thing that happened to me! Good qualities, good dates, good conversation, no attraction to the guy whatsoever. Now granted, this man looked at me constantly like, "Damn! How the hell did I catch her?" And I was fully aware of how he felt. I even tried to force my feelings, but it was right up there with shoving a square peg into a round hole. He got slapped into the friends zone as too.

Regardless of what anyone says, you cannot make yourself be attacted to someone. Trust me. I tried. I know JJ tried, but it just wasnt happening. You can't force it, even if you want to.

If someone offered to pay me though, I'd be really open to faking it.

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever dated someone that you wanted to like really bad, but you just couldn't? Even if they really like you?

Snuggle Buddy

As the temperature dropped significantly, this past weekend, where I live, I realized how un prepared I was for winter! 

You'd think that I was referring to clothes but, no, I am not. For some people, autumn/fall/winter is known as cuffing season or the season in which a snuggle buddy is quite handy. 

Why is a snuggle buddy handy? Why can't your snuggie do the trick? Because a snuggie is not a warm body that is there to rub up against you at night and keep you warm when it's freezing outside! You'd think that of all the applicants that I had willingly applying to be in my presence  throughout the course of the summer, that I would at least have one candidate suitable for a snuggle buddy, right? WRONG.

There's an art for choosing a snuggle buddy. It more so depends on what you want. In my case, it has everything to do with what man on the planet will be willing to sleep with me, snuggle with me, somewhat assume the boyfriend role without the title, and most importantly, not attempt to do it to me.  

I know, I know, I'm asking for too much, but a girl can dream right? I mean, certainly there is  a heterosexual man out there that is willing to want to hang out with me throughout the course of the winter, without his libido in mind, right?

Needless to say, I'm stuck out right now, and packing onto my bed all the blankets I can spare since I have no one to rub my legs up against.

Any suggestions on how to revise my wants? Do you have a snuggle buddy lined up for the winter? Are you cuffed up?

Does this mean he likes me?

Normally, I’m completely oblivious when a man is flirting with me. Unless he’s getting super close to me and trying to touch me, I probably haven’t noticed at all. (and in that case, I'm probably trying to make an effort so he can't touch me at all) So, it’s pretty rare that I notice that man is liking me enough to actually want to go out with me.

There’s this guy. Anthony is his name. I met him via a mutual friend at a pool party this summer. Naturally, I over looked him, like I do most men. (Sad but true fact).  My friend introduces him to me and we strike up a conversation, in the pool. We talk and talk and talk and I happen to be my normal, well, what I think is normal but may not be normal for most, goofy self that I am. Over the course of the evening, I’m guessing that he is somewhat taking an interest in me, but I’m not certain so I just let it go.

Somehow, we exchanged numbers. I’m kind of jaded on how that happened but whatever. The point is, I got his number. A few days later, he goes on vacation with his girlfriend, that he broke up with that same week, and he comes back texting me how he wants to see me. I’m like hmmmm. Interesting. Well. for whatever reason. I don’t go BUT, I did invite him out with me and my friends a week later.

Being that I’m still unsure what exactly is running through his head, I’m flirting with him and I think he was flirting back. It’s hard to tell. He’s so calm, cool, and collected, and I’m the complete  antiphrasis of that. It was kind of difficult to tell what was happening!

Within the course of this flirting session while we were out, I happen to throw out there,” hey, I would so love to try a trapeze class and go flying through the air.” This dude says,” hey, if you find one, I’ll do it with you. “I’m thinking, yeah right! So I price the class and find one like 2-3 hours outside of town. I contact him  and he says sure! Let’s do it! Then he asks me, do you want to invite 2 other people to help on gas or do you just want it to be us?  I responded with, “not sure, I hadn’t processed it that far.”

I was a little on the surprised side since I did not have a response prepared for this question. 

What should I do? Go on the road trip alone or invite a couple friends? Does this mean he has a crush on me or what? How would you interpret it?

I stopped being scared and gave in!

I swear I’ve been hit on guys from places like my niece’s daycare all the way to guys in the strip club. ( I know what you’re thinking! Elle, are you a stripper for your side gig? The answer is no, not at all! But I may frequent them for entertainment purposes from time to time!) After being fed up with the dating game I figured it was time to change it up a little bit. Why not try internet dating? What do I really have to do lose?

I finally got brave and decided to check out Match. Com. Why Match.com you ask? Well.  Everyone I know seems to know at least one person that has had some success with the site. I even know someone that has had such success with the site that he even found his wife on there, so I figured, why not give it a whirl? My thought is, internet dating gives you the chance to meet people that you probably wouldn’t meet under normal circumstances. As in, if you like the museum, you and the person that you run into on match.com, may not necessarily go to the same museum that you like, so this just might give you that chance.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Internet dating is for ugly people, right?! Not necessarily! I don’t think I’m that ugly and after doing a little research I found a low profiled celebrity that met her mate on match.com too! Can we say Ricki Lake and Jenny Mccarthy? 

I told one of my girlfriends about it and she told me to do a trial run for a week. After a 15 minute google session of locating a password to get the fee waived for a week, I was  kind of intrigued. I kept thinking, these guys have to be worth something if they are willing to actually subscribe to a dating site!  Of course the first day I find a guy that is absolutely gorgeous! I messaged him ( did you think I wasn’t going to?) but, have yet to hear anything back. As a matter of fact, I messaged a few guys. I’m actually starting to think that they put some of these guys pictures just to reel women like me in! 

Even though I have lots to say (clearly) I got all discombobulated when it came time for to put something fancy together for that whole "description of me/what do you want" section. I just made it short and sweet. Then I only posted one picture. I didn't want to give them too much. 

The site is pretty thorough and they try pretty hard to match you with someone that has interests very close to your own. They do daily matches for and you can see who winked at you so you can then decipher if you actually want to communicate with them or not. What beats that? What I like most is how I get to ignore ugly men that message me! In person when you meet an ugly guy, you have to be nice and let them down gently of fear of being punched in face (don't act like you don't know men are sensitive!), but with internet dating, you can just press delete and ignore them! it doesn't get any better than that. I like having complete control of the situation.

The best part is, you do not have to feel pressured to give your number out! yet again, if you lose interest, delete and ignore! No sense in dragging it out if they can't even hold a decent conversation via email. 

All in all, I'm interested to see how this goes, but, I have been chatting the two guys and they seem pretty decent thus far. Im excited to keep you posted.

Are you interested in internet dating? Why or why not?

Just When I Thought It Was Over (part two)

So what ended up happening after I received the last text message?

I went back and forth and back forth and originally I was not going to respond to the madness of that text. I was secretly hoping that one of the other 10 girls that were texted in addition to me would be dumb enough to reply all and spill the beans on what really happened with their relationship with Sean. Or Frank. Or whatever his name really is. I was thinking, this girl is not going to be happy with anything that I have to tell her, whether it’s good or bad. I’m going to let it go and not respond. What exactly would my purpose be?

I’m scrolling through every single phone number that is listed and I noticed that I was the only Texas girl listed on the text. As a matter of fact, I was the only one listed out of state. Everyone else had a Manhattan cell phone number. On that alone I was amazed! New York is even bigger than I thought! Where I live, via 6 degrees of separation, I’m pretty sure he would have dug himself a nice little hole within the first 6 months of his lies. I know somebody would have known somebody and he would have been cold busted! Oh to dream….

But anyway. I finally decided to give the girl a little closure and text her back what went down between Sean and I. I wrote her:

                “I lift you up in prayer. Sean and I met in Florida and he later visited Texas. We reunited in New York when I visited some family there in 2009. He stood me up with no explanation. It was evident something was awry. He was leaving his paralegal career and completing his forensic science studies at the time. I do not believe in pre marital relations for religious reasons, so we were never intimate. It’s good to confirm my suspicions. I wish you all the best at this difficult juncture.”

She texted me back in less than 5 minutes with:

                “Thank you so much. I have never been hurt like this and I need all the prayer I can get. Thank you. “

So I gave the girl some of closure she wanted.

Oh. I did “leave out” the part to where he told me he was a paralegal but I later found out he was really a file manager at a law firm. Funny right? I think that was majority of the reason that he decided to stop talk to me, especially since I have relatives that are attorneys in New York and in New Jersey and he was most definitely going to be found out with the quickness. I guess everything happens for a reason right?

 I haven’t heard from him in weeks. He’s been trying his hardest to face time me but he has horrible timing so I’m never available when he tries to contact me. Maybe that’s for the better huh? I’ll tell you this though, I have never been so happy in my life to have kept my legs closed! I guess all those years of not being big hoe paid off!

If this was you, how would you have handled this entire situation? Would you have had pity on the woman or would you have not cared? Could I have handled this any differently?

Just When I Thought It Was Over

Ever had a boyfriend that you thought  you finally got rid of and that chapter of your life was over?

A few years ago, like 3-4 years ago to be a little more precise, I went on vacation with my friends and met this gorgeous guy named Sean. He was from New York and had the most addictive New York accent. Since I met him on my vacation, and since I lived in Texas and he lived in New York, I figured we would only speak to each other for a very short period of time before we lost contact. None of that happened! He held on for nice period of time! Who’d have thought that would happen?

The long distance thing was completely sucking, but we talked and emailed often, so it didn’t seem that bad. Eventually, he decided he was going to come on down to Texas (keep in mind, this is all his idea). He met my friends and my family and I was just too happy.

Ironically, I had family that lived in New York so, he invited me up for the week of Thanksgiving to see him. As a respectable lady, I refused to stay with him and opted to stay with my family the entire length of my stay. Thanksgiving day rolls around and he comes and spends the day with me.

The next day we’re supposed to be spending time together and hanging out. I call. No Answer. I text. No Answer. I left a voicemail. No call back-EVER. Naturally, I’m upset and in tears. But, I let it go and did not contact him again after that day.( I did start sending him snail mail of religious cards because I figured there was an emergency and a reason why he could not just bring himself to talk to me so he needed prayer)

6 months later I get a call. He never explains himself. Never mentions the situation, and just acts like nothing happened. I was sweet and kind and never mentioned it (because of course I'm plotting on how I'm going to pour salt on the wound) and we kept in contact about every other month after that. I already knew he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.

Fast forward to this Saturday night. I receive a text message that says:

                “Hello chicas! This is Sean’s girlfriend. Some of you may know him as Frank. It seems that this dirty asshole has been actively pursuing quite a few of you. After 3 ½ years of his bullshit,  I face the inevitable realization that he is a dog trying to stick his little dick in every open hole. He is a sad little boy who at 34 years old still refuses to mature. I hope none of you expect much out of him. His boring ass is incapable of fidelity. I would love to know how long he’s been bullshitting me. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.”

This text was sent in a group text with 10 other phone numbers attached. All of them visible for my viewing pleasure!

When I received this, I was not surprised in the least. I knew something in the milk was not clean when he stood me up in New York! I figured he had to be full of lies and deceit!

Before I post what happened after this, what do you think I should have done? How should I have responded to this madness? Should I even be upset? Does this even deserve a response? What would you have done if this was you?

Sometimes I Channel my Inner Stripper

Certain songs come on the radio and I lose complete control.

Pick a song talking about “making it rain on them hoes” or “making it clap with no hands” and I can guarantee that I will forget that I am a lady!

I’m sitting in the car and this song comes on. I start listening to the words and it is rather vulgar, especially the un edited version, and the longer it plays, the more I start to like it. I was in my car all by myself and I was almost embarrassed as to how I was seriously getting into the song. As soon as it was over, I immediately flipped on some Amy Grant as my penance for enjoying the foolishness I made myself endure. I was really acting like Jesus didn’t just witness my behavior while the song played.

After 3 songs of Amy Grant played, I had to sit and think. Me liking this type of music is not something new. Or is it??

Um. No. it’s not. Then I began to compile a mental list of my top 10 favorite stripper songs:

#10 Nelly "Tip Drill": “it must be your ass but it aint cho face, I need a tip drill.” Super degrading towards women, but, I think this song got me through all the lame college parties.

#9 T Cash “Spread ya legs, Arch ya back”: I have no idea what the words are to this song, but I sing it loudly as if I wrote the song myself.

#8 Travis Porter ”Make it rain trick”: Another song with lyrics I sing loud that are probably completely incorrect.

#7 2 Chainz “Yeah I love them strippers”: Super self explanatory.

#6 2 Chainz “Birthday Song”: No need to discuss this song. You've heard it. It's the poo. So take a big whiff.

#5 Too Short “Shake that monkey”: Imagine this ringtone going off in church. Even worse. Imagine not being embarassed when it happened.

#4 T pain “ In love with a stripper” : Just hearing T pain on auto tune is entertainment enough me.

#3 Huey “Pop lock and drop it” : "Toot that thang of Mami make it work." You cant tell me that doesnt get you excited!

#2 Lil Jon “ Bounce that Ass”: Whether or not you have an ass is completely irrelevant when this song comes on. You just keep going until the song goes off. Or maybe keep dancing when the song goes off. It just depends how you're feeling.

#1 Juicy J “Bands will make her dance”: Clearly a new song that has been released, but if this song comes on Pandora while I'm in the gym, I think I could run on the treadmill forever!

I know, I know, you’re wondering, how long did it take for me to compile this list? Less than minutes to be exact! Unfortunately, I’ve been fully aware that I have a weird addiction to stripper songs and I thought it was high time that I expressed them to the world, in hopes that someone would be able to provide me with a remedy to get rid of this sick fetish! Any suggestions? What are some guilty pleasure songs of yours?

Sometimes I Should Shut Up

Apparently, I need to think before I text.

Texting a close friend at work ( I know, I know, but I was on my lunch break), and somehow I ended up expressing my feelings about her ex. Which really isn't too much of her ex, especially since they are probably still doing it each other. Over the course of the conversation I managed to text, you're too good for him. Period.  Of course this leads into a a lengthy text conversation forcing me to explain. 

In short, I expressed how I didn't like how he has treated her and her feelings and there's no excuse for him leading her on, making her think that he was going to divorce the wife that he's currently separated from-After, they were seeing each other for a year. Now granted, I've met the guy. He's a nice dude over all, BUT, I hate seeing my friends upset due to the insensitivity and inconsideration of someone else. Now yes, there are many many holes in this story that I'm not trying to expound on at the moment, however, I'm sure you've already painted a pretty picture of how this whole situation has gone.

Keep in mind, some how, she managed to squeeze in how he's made progress and bunch of other statements that I don't care to recall, but in my head, all I can think of is that, actions speak louder than words. Seems like, if he was serious about the situation, all this would be easy, right? Please correct me if I'm wrong. 

However, through this whole text fiasco, I'll take the blame, being that, sometimes I should just shut up. my friendship with her is way more important. 

How would you handle this situation? If you had a friend who you saw had their feelings hurt and receive disappointment, how would you try to get them away from an emotional situation?

Disappearing Acts

I'm thinking these things only happen to me.

Have you ever met a guy that likes to float in and out of your life, giving you no reason for his his random behavior whatsoever? I sure has hell do!

I met a guy in December by the name of Lee. We met online at Plentyoffish.com and had our first date at Dave n Busters-probably my fave first date location. Sure, I was late, on complete accident!, but it was still a great first date! Afterwards we went on maybe one or two more dates and then he began to get salty with me about how much I was going out- with other people. I'm thinking, uh, dude. We are not in a relationship. I thought we were just dating. 

Who'd have thought the jerk off would "magically lose touch" with me for 6-8 weeks and reappear just to take to me to a Mavs game?! Now... I'm no fool. I'm fully aware that I was probably the last choice on his guest list, but whatever! Just like he was using me at his leisure, I was using him for free fun! No touching involved, just free leisure activity on him!  

Most recently, he reappeared with an attempt to make me his new booty call. In short, this dummy was inviting me over all hours of the night. I didn't mind coming to his house, it was the HOURS that he was inviting me over that was a problem. The only thing open at the hours he was liking was legs, AND NOT MINE. I'm thinking dude, you're not a vampire. What's the problem with seeing each other when the sun is up? Did I mention that these invites were via Facebook instant messenger and text messages? What's the problem with picking up the phone? Can  get some respect put-lease? I had to let him know what I was not going to stand for.

After a constant back and forth one sided unsuccessful persuasion of him trying to get me to drive 45 minutes to his house in the dark, alone, late at night, he finally realized that he lost the battle. He attempted to resurface a week later with open ended text messages trying to get me to probe and actually take the bait, but, yet again, he lost. He has disappeared again. Yay! Let's see how long it takes him to resurface.

If this was you, how would you have handled the situation? 

When did this start happening?

When did it become acceptable to follow a man with a questionable future?

I met a very cute teenage couple on 2 days ago. They are all over each other and clearly in what they think is love. Puppy love that is, but, we all know they will not come to that realization until they are much older.
The boy is 17 years old and stands around 6'1 to 6'2. For lack of a better description, the boy is tall, dark and teenage handsome. (I personally think he's still growing into his face) He rocks a mowhawk and has teenage muscles, not to be confused with a chicken chest. He's a senior at a very well known high school in my area and is seems to be the star athlete on the football team. To high school girls, I'm pretty sure he's about cool as Rickey was on Boyz n the Hood in 1991.

The girl is a senior in high school school as well. She's you're average high school girl. I'm thinking, relative to Malinda Williams in The Wood.Cute and petite.

I'm talking to the both of them and I ask the boy where he wanted to go to school. He can't name one school specifically. He basically just said anywhere, he doesn't care. He just wants to play football and major in pre-law.... I doubt he knows that you cannot major in prelaw, but that's a completely different post). I asked the girl where she wants to go to school and she says, "wherever he goes." My immediate response was, "why?" Of course my friends start snickering but, I was so serious! The girl just really looked at me like, how could you ask me that? Why wouldn't I want to go to the same school as him?

I just let it go. No sense in me probing into the lives of a teenage couple that is probably destined for a break up after they realize that college life brings you different caliber of the opposite sex than you're used to high school.


After they left, I was sitting there wondering, Where did she get the  "grand idea.?" I wonder what her parents think about this? Is the girl watching too much Love and Hip Hop Basketball Girlfriends and Ex-wives of every region in the United States of America?

Does she see it as a strategic venture, as in, if we stay together through college and he gets drafted into the NFL, he'll marry me and we'll live happily ever after?I seriously think that she thinks she can pull a Savannah Brinson. I mean... she got a $300k ring out of King James after 9 years....still not married yet though. That's something to shoot for, right?

If this was your son or daughter, how would you address the situation? What would you do?

Where were you?

I looked up and actually stopped and remembered what today was. Not that it was going to slip my mind, but, just to see it on the calendar, always makes a difference.

I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when everything happened.

I was in the first semester of my freshman year of college. It was a Tuesday morning, and I woke to get to my early English literature class. Normally, every morning, my roommate and I turn the television on MTV and listen to music videos while we get ready for class, but,  not this morning. I remember walking to class and it was quieter than usual on campus. Normally, walking to class is like is trying walk 8am rush hour in New York, but this morning it was like a ghost town. 

I get to class, and the professor isn't there; which is particularly odd since he was very much so always on time. A few more of my classmates trickle in and just as we are about to implement the "15 minute rule" one of my classmates rushes into class with this look on her face that was if she had seen a ghost. She then tells the small group of us, that a plane just flew straight into the twin towers. 

After that everything seems like a blur. I remember class being cancelled. I remember walking to the student union and all the televisions playing the same thing. I remember just staring at the screens trying to comprehend why on earth two planes would fly into those buildings; and then I remember the buildings crashing to the ground. 

After that, I just couldn't watch anymore. It was just depressing. There were people in there. All I could do was pray for the victims and their families. I called my mom at work, after many failed attempts since all phones that day were clearly going haywire, and just tried to check up on my other friends and family that weren't in arms reach of me. 

Ill definitely continue to remember this day forever.

Where were you on 9/11. What were you doing? How did is effect you?

Guess who gave birth?

Sitting around with my girlfriends at Starbucks for probably the 100th time, discussing only God knows what that day, I thought, the foolishness that we discuss on a daily basis, no one would ever believe what they heard. The good, the bad, and the questionably constructive criticism.

Not to mention, I'm pretty sure that these things do not just, happen to us. Even if we did tell stories about the things that happened to us, certainly no one would believe us, just because it's too outladish!  I'm not totally sure I would believe my friends if I didnt know them perosnally. Like the guy that basically got a hard on, while standing next to my girlfriend on the train in Dubai, or my girlfriend that "deep throated" a little "too deep" one night and barfed all over her boyfriend, or perhaps me getting so drunk that I gave a stranger a "champagne shower" because I thought it would be good for her scalp.

Weird?? Yes. Did those incidents really happen? Hell yes! Was I crying in laughter after I was told these stories-even my own that clearly had to be repeated back to me since I did not remember. Most definitely.

So. I gave birth to Tall Hot Latte. Randomness about me and my dating life, my friends and their foolishness, and anything that probably makes me giggle (or think a little too hard about for that matter) while alone in my car as I sit in traffic.

Get ready. It's no telling what I'm going to write about.