The wonderful fireman that I raved about. I haven't heard from him in a month. Not surprised. He had a whole lot more skeletons in his closet than I cared to look into. Don't get me started on his child's mother, who I'm pretty sure got pregnant on purpose, is probably trying to get back with him right now as I'm typing this. Let's just be honest. Any pregnancies after 21 is pretty much on purpose. if you can afford to buy alcohol and porn, you can afford to take your ass down to Planned Parenthood and pick up a pack of ortho-tricylcen.
Something I have yet to speak on: It's hard to put your feelings down when you're really just a big huge ball of emotion. The guy I've been seeing off and on for about a year and half now pretty much officially broke up with me and told me it was over.Cue up, hit the road jack. He told me, in little to no words ( I saw it on facebook) he was in relationship with someone else. Not that I didn't see it coming, not that I didn't think that we had a strange relationship, but, it just sucks to to be rejected. I wanted to get back together and then I didn't. He tried, and tried, and I had such a difficult time getting past things that he did before, I couldn't even see that he was trying because I was still upset and holding grudges. Of course, I didn't see any of these things until right now, when it's too late. I honestly feel like I loved him, hell, still do, but it seems like my selfishness and being blinded by complete foolishness got the best of me and now I have to suffer my own punishment.
That too little too late stuff is so real.
Texting him and calling him and crying and apologizing and crying some more and apologizing even harder with hopes that he'll change his mind never works. I didn't expect for it to, but I did feel that I owed him an apology. I thought about how much I must've hurt his feelings. Been there, and I completely understand that horrid rechid feeling. That for damn sure deserved an apology as I never want to hurt anyone's feelings period. He told me that I didn't owe him an apology at all, and that we were cool, but I had to apologize anyway.
There's probably ten thousand things I could do differently, but at this point, I'm just trying not to cry and think about how I need to make myself a better person for the next relationship. When would that freaking be? I have no clue. Especially since, I wake up every single morning thinking about him and how I screwed things up and that it's all my fault and it's just not fixable period. The bestie says, I'll appreciate the next man a whole lot more. She's probably right, but, it's hard to think that far in advance when you feel like poo about the entire situation. My other girlfriend wasn't particularly his biggest fan, but she was supportive even when he screwed up. And he screwed up a lot. She says it's about how you grow from it. Everything is about to make me grow the size of giant.
Oh. This guy. His name is TP.
Something I have yet to speak on: It's hard to put your feelings down when you're really just a big huge ball of emotion. The guy I've been seeing off and on for about a year and half now pretty much officially broke up with me and told me it was over.Cue up, hit the road jack. He told me, in little to no words ( I saw it on facebook) he was in relationship with someone else. Not that I didn't see it coming, not that I didn't think that we had a strange relationship, but, it just sucks to to be rejected. I wanted to get back together and then I didn't. He tried, and tried, and I had such a difficult time getting past things that he did before, I couldn't even see that he was trying because I was still upset and holding grudges. Of course, I didn't see any of these things until right now, when it's too late. I honestly feel like I loved him, hell, still do, but it seems like my selfishness and being blinded by complete foolishness got the best of me and now I have to suffer my own punishment.
That too little too late stuff is so real.
Texting him and calling him and crying and apologizing and crying some more and apologizing even harder with hopes that he'll change his mind never works. I didn't expect for it to, but I did feel that I owed him an apology. I thought about how much I must've hurt his feelings. Been there, and I completely understand that horrid rechid feeling. That for damn sure deserved an apology as I never want to hurt anyone's feelings period. He told me that I didn't owe him an apology at all, and that we were cool, but I had to apologize anyway.
There's probably ten thousand things I could do differently, but at this point, I'm just trying not to cry and think about how I need to make myself a better person for the next relationship. When would that freaking be? I have no clue. Especially since, I wake up every single morning thinking about him and how I screwed things up and that it's all my fault and it's just not fixable period. The bestie says, I'll appreciate the next man a whole lot more. She's probably right, but, it's hard to think that far in advance when you feel like poo about the entire situation. My other girlfriend wasn't particularly his biggest fan, but she was supportive even when he screwed up. And he screwed up a lot. She says it's about how you grow from it. Everything is about to make me grow the size of giant.
Oh. This guy. His name is TP.
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