Is it really real?

After learning through experience, I have found that it is best to keep my opinions to myself unless I am specifically asked for them. Even when I am asked for my opinion, I should tone it down as much as possible, since most people really don't want your opinion, they actually just want to you to agree with whatever poppycock they are spouting at the moment.

I know a woman that is dating this man. As it has been relayed to me, the man is separated from his wife. In reference to the separation, he has told her that the entire marriage was a mistake and he got her pregnant on accident, but he loves his son. They are separated, however, he has not filed for divorce nor separation. (Does that mean they are just "verbally" separated?) He supposedly  is concerned with the custody of his child as he knows that it is going to be a custody battle. He no longer lives with his wife and has his own house and lives alone.

When she asks about filing for divorce and how it's going, he gets an attitude. When she finally asks him, how soon after the divorce do you think that we will get married,  his response was, well, we would really have to get to know each other and then go from there. (They've been dating for two years. How well do you they really need to get to know each other?)

She stopped seeing him and then started seeing him again. She now claims they're like best friends. ( I was unaware that you had sex with your best friend) He does ignorant things to her like tell her go to hell etc just to get a rise out of her to see how she will react. She blows up his phone, they have it out, and then they are back to square one. Yet she still sticks around after all of this. Is that really how a friend treats a friend? She swears that he's the most real guy that she's met in this town. She swears she loves him, he loves her, and that he's the person that she's supposed to marry. What does love really look like?

I have a few questions: is he really going to divorce his wife or is it just cheaper to keep her? Is he stringing the woman along? Is she his mistress? He has been disrespecting her for the past two years by not even filing for divorce? Are they really dating since he is legally still married? What's really going on? Why hasn't she stopped talking to him?Why is he stringing her along as such.

Do you have any insight on this? I'm certainly confused and would like some clarification.

PS. no, this is most definitely not me.

Forgot to mention

I left out a very vital detail of my weekend. In an attempt to move past the intense emotional incapacitation (is that even a word?) from last week, I went on a date Friday night! It was a guy that I had been knowing a while, that apparently had been feeling me, so he invited me out. Even though, I was not remotely close to being ready to move on, I figured anything was better than sitting at home on a Friday night feeling sorry for myself and my lost love.

Since I had already  been knowing him, I allowed him to actually come to my house and pick me up. I never do that! Talk about a step in the right direction! He had only been to this area in Dallas called the Bishop Arts District once, so he wanted to walk around there and check other restaurants. We ended up going to one of my favorite places out there called Bolsa.

Now... this guy is very open. Open as in, he is open to trying just about anything once. Still unclear on what that means? Let me give an example. He was trying to encourage me to try ostrich meat. I don't even know where you find ostrich meat, but he went on and on about how good it was! When we were at Bolsa, and he wanted to try the rabbit sausage, I was not surprised! Because I'm a good sport, and I'm pretty open to trying almost anything new, I went for it. Was it nasty? Not at all. In all actuality, it was quite tasty. It looked and tasted like Eckrich turkey sausage. Go figure huh? ( I was glad too, since everyone swears that most "other" meats taste like chicken)

I think I was most excited that he was a wine drinker. As I have learned in the past, let the man do his thing and take control unless instructed otherwise, he picked a damn good Chardonnay!

The conversation was great and he certainly kept my mind off of TP for that evening.How about the next day, he met me for brunch and then volunteered to go Christmas shopping with me! I thought I was hallucinating! He was actually quite helpful too! I picked out some great  gifts for my family!

 I'm not healed from "him" but I feel like I am moving int he right direction with making sure I stay busy and meeting other people. I'm praying on forgiving myself for all the things that I didn't do so that the guilt won't eat me up, but to also forgive him for all the things that he did to me in the past. I never completely let that go, and I'm pretty sure that's a huge part of why he and I couldn't get too far.I think if I can forgive myself and him, a lot of the pain and sorrow would be alleviated.

Will I go out with this new guy again! I sure would like to!

Same ish different day

I was cleaning up and room and was going through a lot of things that needed to be thrown away a long time ago and I came across an old notebook. It was listing my peaks and pits of my day. It only had one date listed and it was about this same date this time last year. I read it, and burst into tears. Th same thing that I'm going through now, is what I was relatively going through this time last year.

The first thing I thought was, how could I be so stupid?! This is all my fault. First time, shame on him. Second time, shame on me. Yes. I feel super upset about my part in it, but also on how I just refused to pay attention to sign a when they were all there. My emotions got caught up in everything, along with mental and physical. There's so many lessons I learned from everything.

I do still believe that I love him. Everyday I come up with something I could have done differently. Now I just have to live with my choices. At this point, I don't particularly feel like they're good choices. It is what it is though. I just hope each day gets easier.

I have to remind myself of this

It's been a while, so much has happened

The wonderful fireman that I raved about. I haven't heard from him in a month. Not surprised. He had a whole lot more skeletons in his closet than I cared to look into. Don't get me started on his child's mother, who I'm pretty sure got pregnant on purpose, is probably trying to get back with him right now as I'm typing this. Let's just be honest. Any pregnancies after 21 is pretty much on purpose. if you can afford  to buy alcohol and porn, you can afford to take your ass down to Planned Parenthood and pick up a pack of ortho-tricylcen.







Something I have yet to speak on: It's hard to put your feelings down when you're really just a big huge ball of emotion. The guy I've been seeing off and on for about a year and half now pretty much officially broke up with me and told me it was over.Cue up, hit the road jack. He told me, in little to no words ( I saw it on facebook)  he was in relationship with someone else. Not that I didn't see it coming, not that I didn't think that we had a strange relationship, but, it just sucks to to be rejected. I wanted to get back together and then I didn't. He tried, and tried, and I had such a difficult time getting past things that he did before, I couldn't even see that he was trying because I was still upset and holding grudges. Of course, I didn't see any of these things until right now, when it's too late. I honestly feel like I loved him, hell, still do, but it seems like my selfishness and being blinded by complete foolishness got the best of me and now I have to suffer my own punishment.

That too little too late stuff is so real. 

Texting him and calling him and crying and apologizing and crying some more and apologizing even harder with hopes that he'll change his mind never works. I didn't expect for it to, but I did feel that I owed him an apology. I thought about how much I must've hurt his feelings. Been there, and I completely understand that horrid rechid feeling. That for damn sure deserved an apology as I never want to hurt anyone's feelings period. He told me that I didn't owe him an apology at all, and that we were cool, but I had to apologize anyway.  

There's probably ten thousand things I could do differently, but at this point, I'm just trying not to cry and think about how I need to make myself a better person for the next relationship. When would that freaking be? I have no clue. Especially since, I wake up every single morning thinking about him and how I screwed things up and that it's all my fault and it's just not fixable period. The bestie says, I'll appreciate the next man a whole lot more. She's probably right, but, it's hard to think that far in advance when you feel like poo about the entire situation. My other  girlfriend wasn't particularly his biggest fan, but she was supportive even when he screwed up. And he screwed up a lot. She says it's about how you grow from it. Everything is about to make me grow the size of giant. 

Oh. This guy. His name is TP.