I stopped being scared and gave in!

I swear I’ve been hit on guys from places like my niece’s daycare all the way to guys in the strip club. ( I know what you’re thinking! Elle, are you a stripper for your side gig? The answer is no, not at all! But I may frequent them for entertainment purposes from time to time!) After being fed up with the dating game I figured it was time to change it up a little bit. Why not try internet dating? What do I really have to do lose?

I finally got brave and decided to check out Match. Com. Why Match.com you ask? Well.  Everyone I know seems to know at least one person that has had some success with the site. I even know someone that has had such success with the site that he even found his wife on there, so I figured, why not give it a whirl? My thought is, internet dating gives you the chance to meet people that you probably wouldn’t meet under normal circumstances. As in, if you like the museum, you and the person that you run into on match.com, may not necessarily go to the same museum that you like, so this just might give you that chance.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Internet dating is for ugly people, right?! Not necessarily! I don’t think I’m that ugly and after doing a little research I found a low profiled celebrity that met her mate on match.com too! Can we say Ricki Lake and Jenny Mccarthy? 

I told one of my girlfriends about it and she told me to do a trial run for a week. After a 15 minute google session of locating a password to get the fee waived for a week, I was  kind of intrigued. I kept thinking, these guys have to be worth something if they are willing to actually subscribe to a dating site!  Of course the first day I find a guy that is absolutely gorgeous! I messaged him ( did you think I wasn’t going to?) but, have yet to hear anything back. As a matter of fact, I messaged a few guys. I’m actually starting to think that they put some of these guys pictures just to reel women like me in! 

Even though I have lots to say (clearly) I got all discombobulated when it came time for to put something fancy together for that whole "description of me/what do you want" section. I just made it short and sweet. Then I only posted one picture. I didn't want to give them too much. 

The site is pretty thorough and they try pretty hard to match you with someone that has interests very close to your own. They do daily matches for and you can see who winked at you so you can then decipher if you actually want to communicate with them or not. What beats that? What I like most is how I get to ignore ugly men that message me! In person when you meet an ugly guy, you have to be nice and let them down gently of fear of being punched in face (don't act like you don't know men are sensitive!), but with internet dating, you can just press delete and ignore them! it doesn't get any better than that. I like having complete control of the situation.

The best part is, you do not have to feel pressured to give your number out! yet again, if you lose interest, delete and ignore! No sense in dragging it out if they can't even hold a decent conversation via email. 

All in all, I'm interested to see how this goes, but, I have been chatting the two guys and they seem pretty decent thus far. Im excited to keep you posted.

Are you interested in internet dating? Why or why not?

Just When I Thought It Was Over (part two)

So what ended up happening after I received the last text message?

I went back and forth and back forth and originally I was not going to respond to the madness of that text. I was secretly hoping that one of the other 10 girls that were texted in addition to me would be dumb enough to reply all and spill the beans on what really happened with their relationship with Sean. Or Frank. Or whatever his name really is. I was thinking, this girl is not going to be happy with anything that I have to tell her, whether it’s good or bad. I’m going to let it go and not respond. What exactly would my purpose be?

I’m scrolling through every single phone number that is listed and I noticed that I was the only Texas girl listed on the text. As a matter of fact, I was the only one listed out of state. Everyone else had a Manhattan cell phone number. On that alone I was amazed! New York is even bigger than I thought! Where I live, via 6 degrees of separation, I’m pretty sure he would have dug himself a nice little hole within the first 6 months of his lies. I know somebody would have known somebody and he would have been cold busted! Oh to dream….

But anyway. I finally decided to give the girl a little closure and text her back what went down between Sean and I. I wrote her:

                “I lift you up in prayer. Sean and I met in Florida and he later visited Texas. We reunited in New York when I visited some family there in 2009. He stood me up with no explanation. It was evident something was awry. He was leaving his paralegal career and completing his forensic science studies at the time. I do not believe in pre marital relations for religious reasons, so we were never intimate. It’s good to confirm my suspicions. I wish you all the best at this difficult juncture.”

She texted me back in less than 5 minutes with:

                “Thank you so much. I have never been hurt like this and I need all the prayer I can get. Thank you. “

So I gave the girl some of closure she wanted.

Oh. I did “leave out” the part to where he told me he was a paralegal but I later found out he was really a file manager at a law firm. Funny right? I think that was majority of the reason that he decided to stop talk to me, especially since I have relatives that are attorneys in New York and in New Jersey and he was most definitely going to be found out with the quickness. I guess everything happens for a reason right?

 I haven’t heard from him in weeks. He’s been trying his hardest to face time me but he has horrible timing so I’m never available when he tries to contact me. Maybe that’s for the better huh? I’ll tell you this though, I have never been so happy in my life to have kept my legs closed! I guess all those years of not being big hoe paid off!

If this was you, how would you have handled this entire situation? Would you have had pity on the woman or would you have not cared? Could I have handled this any differently?

Just When I Thought It Was Over

Ever had a boyfriend that you thought  you finally got rid of and that chapter of your life was over?

A few years ago, like 3-4 years ago to be a little more precise, I went on vacation with my friends and met this gorgeous guy named Sean. He was from New York and had the most addictive New York accent. Since I met him on my vacation, and since I lived in Texas and he lived in New York, I figured we would only speak to each other for a very short period of time before we lost contact. None of that happened! He held on for nice period of time! Who’d have thought that would happen?

The long distance thing was completely sucking, but we talked and emailed often, so it didn’t seem that bad. Eventually, he decided he was going to come on down to Texas (keep in mind, this is all his idea). He met my friends and my family and I was just too happy.

Ironically, I had family that lived in New York so, he invited me up for the week of Thanksgiving to see him. As a respectable lady, I refused to stay with him and opted to stay with my family the entire length of my stay. Thanksgiving day rolls around and he comes and spends the day with me.

The next day we’re supposed to be spending time together and hanging out. I call. No Answer. I text. No Answer. I left a voicemail. No call back-EVER. Naturally, I’m upset and in tears. But, I let it go and did not contact him again after that day.( I did start sending him snail mail of religious cards because I figured there was an emergency and a reason why he could not just bring himself to talk to me so he needed prayer)

6 months later I get a call. He never explains himself. Never mentions the situation, and just acts like nothing happened. I was sweet and kind and never mentioned it (because of course I'm plotting on how I'm going to pour salt on the wound) and we kept in contact about every other month after that. I already knew he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.

Fast forward to this Saturday night. I receive a text message that says:

                “Hello chicas! This is Sean’s girlfriend. Some of you may know him as Frank. It seems that this dirty asshole has been actively pursuing quite a few of you. After 3 ½ years of his bullshit,  I face the inevitable realization that he is a dog trying to stick his little dick in every open hole. He is a sad little boy who at 34 years old still refuses to mature. I hope none of you expect much out of him. His boring ass is incapable of fidelity. I would love to know how long he’s been bullshitting me. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.”

This text was sent in a group text with 10 other phone numbers attached. All of them visible for my viewing pleasure!

When I received this, I was not surprised in the least. I knew something in the milk was not clean when he stood me up in New York! I figured he had to be full of lies and deceit!

Before I post what happened after this, what do you think I should have done? How should I have responded to this madness? Should I even be upset? Does this even deserve a response? What would you have done if this was you?

Sometimes I Channel my Inner Stripper

Certain songs come on the radio and I lose complete control.

Pick a song talking about “making it rain on them hoes” or “making it clap with no hands” and I can guarantee that I will forget that I am a lady!

I’m sitting in the car and this song comes on. I start listening to the words and it is rather vulgar, especially the un edited version, and the longer it plays, the more I start to like it. I was in my car all by myself and I was almost embarrassed as to how I was seriously getting into the song. As soon as it was over, I immediately flipped on some Amy Grant as my penance for enjoying the foolishness I made myself endure. I was really acting like Jesus didn’t just witness my behavior while the song played.

After 3 songs of Amy Grant played, I had to sit and think. Me liking this type of music is not something new. Or is it??

Um. No. it’s not. Then I began to compile a mental list of my top 10 favorite stripper songs:

#10 Nelly "Tip Drill": “it must be your ass but it aint cho face, I need a tip drill.” Super degrading towards women, but, I think this song got me through all the lame college parties.

#9 T Cash “Spread ya legs, Arch ya back”: I have no idea what the words are to this song, but I sing it loudly as if I wrote the song myself.

#8 Travis Porter ”Make it rain trick”: Another song with lyrics I sing loud that are probably completely incorrect.

#7 2 Chainz “Yeah I love them strippers”: Super self explanatory.

#6 2 Chainz “Birthday Song”: No need to discuss this song. You've heard it. It's the poo. So take a big whiff.

#5 Too Short “Shake that monkey”: Imagine this ringtone going off in church. Even worse. Imagine not being embarassed when it happened.

#4 T pain “ In love with a stripper” : Just hearing T pain on auto tune is entertainment enough me.

#3 Huey “Pop lock and drop it” : "Toot that thang of Mami make it work." You cant tell me that doesnt get you excited!

#2 Lil Jon “ Bounce that Ass”: Whether or not you have an ass is completely irrelevant when this song comes on. You just keep going until the song goes off. Or maybe keep dancing when the song goes off. It just depends how you're feeling.

#1 Juicy J “Bands will make her dance”: Clearly a new song that has been released, but if this song comes on Pandora while I'm in the gym, I think I could run on the treadmill forever!

I know, I know, you’re wondering, how long did it take for me to compile this list? Less than minutes to be exact! Unfortunately, I’ve been fully aware that I have a weird addiction to stripper songs and I thought it was high time that I expressed them to the world, in hopes that someone would be able to provide me with a remedy to get rid of this sick fetish! Any suggestions? What are some guilty pleasure songs of yours?

Sometimes I Should Shut Up

Apparently, I need to think before I text.

Texting a close friend at work ( I know, I know, but I was on my lunch break), and somehow I ended up expressing my feelings about her ex. Which really isn't too much of her ex, especially since they are probably still doing it each other. Over the course of the conversation I managed to text, you're too good for him. Period.  Of course this leads into a a lengthy text conversation forcing me to explain. 

In short, I expressed how I didn't like how he has treated her and her feelings and there's no excuse for him leading her on, making her think that he was going to divorce the wife that he's currently separated from-After, they were seeing each other for a year. Now granted, I've met the guy. He's a nice dude over all, BUT, I hate seeing my friends upset due to the insensitivity and inconsideration of someone else. Now yes, there are many many holes in this story that I'm not trying to expound on at the moment, however, I'm sure you've already painted a pretty picture of how this whole situation has gone.

Keep in mind, some how, she managed to squeeze in how he's made progress and bunch of other statements that I don't care to recall, but in my head, all I can think of is that, actions speak louder than words. Seems like, if he was serious about the situation, all this would be easy, right? Please correct me if I'm wrong. 

However, through this whole text fiasco, I'll take the blame, being that, sometimes I should just shut up. my friendship with her is way more important. 

How would you handle this situation? If you had a friend who you saw had their feelings hurt and receive disappointment, how would you try to get them away from an emotional situation?

Disappearing Acts

I'm thinking these things only happen to me.

Have you ever met a guy that likes to float in and out of your life, giving you no reason for his his random behavior whatsoever? I sure has hell do!

I met a guy in December by the name of Lee. We met online at Plentyoffish.com and had our first date at Dave n Busters-probably my fave first date location. Sure, I was late, on complete accident!, but it was still a great first date! Afterwards we went on maybe one or two more dates and then he began to get salty with me about how much I was going out- with other people. I'm thinking, uh, dude. We are not in a relationship. I thought we were just dating. 

Who'd have thought the jerk off would "magically lose touch" with me for 6-8 weeks and reappear just to take to me to a Mavs game?! Now... I'm no fool. I'm fully aware that I was probably the last choice on his guest list, but whatever! Just like he was using me at his leisure, I was using him for free fun! No touching involved, just free leisure activity on him!  

Most recently, he reappeared with an attempt to make me his new booty call. In short, this dummy was inviting me over all hours of the night. I didn't mind coming to his house, it was the HOURS that he was inviting me over that was a problem. The only thing open at the hours he was liking was legs, AND NOT MINE. I'm thinking dude, you're not a vampire. What's the problem with seeing each other when the sun is up? Did I mention that these invites were via Facebook instant messenger and text messages? What's the problem with picking up the phone? Can  get some respect put-lease? I had to let him know what I was not going to stand for.

After a constant back and forth one sided unsuccessful persuasion of him trying to get me to drive 45 minutes to his house in the dark, alone, late at night, he finally realized that he lost the battle. He attempted to resurface a week later with open ended text messages trying to get me to probe and actually take the bait, but, yet again, he lost. He has disappeared again. Yay! Let's see how long it takes him to resurface.

If this was you, how would you have handled the situation? 

When did this start happening?

When did it become acceptable to follow a man with a questionable future?

I met a very cute teenage couple on 2 days ago. They are all over each other and clearly in what they think is love. Puppy love that is, but, we all know they will not come to that realization until they are much older.
The boy is 17 years old and stands around 6'1 to 6'2. For lack of a better description, the boy is tall, dark and teenage handsome. (I personally think he's still growing into his face) He rocks a mowhawk and has teenage muscles, not to be confused with a chicken chest. He's a senior at a very well known high school in my area and is seems to be the star athlete on the football team. To high school girls, I'm pretty sure he's about cool as Rickey was on Boyz n the Hood in 1991.

The girl is a senior in high school school as well. She's you're average high school girl. I'm thinking, relative to Malinda Williams in The Wood.Cute and petite.

I'm talking to the both of them and I ask the boy where he wanted to go to school. He can't name one school specifically. He basically just said anywhere, he doesn't care. He just wants to play football and major in pre-law.... I doubt he knows that you cannot major in prelaw, but that's a completely different post). I asked the girl where she wants to go to school and she says, "wherever he goes." My immediate response was, "why?" Of course my friends start snickering but, I was so serious! The girl just really looked at me like, how could you ask me that? Why wouldn't I want to go to the same school as him?

I just let it go. No sense in me probing into the lives of a teenage couple that is probably destined for a break up after they realize that college life brings you different caliber of the opposite sex than you're used to high school.


After they left, I was sitting there wondering, Where did she get the  "grand idea.?" I wonder what her parents think about this? Is the girl watching too much Love and Hip Hop Basketball Girlfriends and Ex-wives of every region in the United States of America?

Does she see it as a strategic venture, as in, if we stay together through college and he gets drafted into the NFL, he'll marry me and we'll live happily ever after?I seriously think that she thinks she can pull a Savannah Brinson. I mean... she got a $300k ring out of King James after 9 years....still not married yet though. That's something to shoot for, right?

If this was your son or daughter, how would you address the situation? What would you do?

Where were you?

I looked up and actually stopped and remembered what today was. Not that it was going to slip my mind, but, just to see it on the calendar, always makes a difference.

I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when everything happened.

I was in the first semester of my freshman year of college. It was a Tuesday morning, and I woke to get to my early English literature class. Normally, every morning, my roommate and I turn the television on MTV and listen to music videos while we get ready for class, but,  not this morning. I remember walking to class and it was quieter than usual on campus. Normally, walking to class is like is trying walk 8am rush hour in New York, but this morning it was like a ghost town. 

I get to class, and the professor isn't there; which is particularly odd since he was very much so always on time. A few more of my classmates trickle in and just as we are about to implement the "15 minute rule" one of my classmates rushes into class with this look on her face that was if she had seen a ghost. She then tells the small group of us, that a plane just flew straight into the twin towers. 

After that everything seems like a blur. I remember class being cancelled. I remember walking to the student union and all the televisions playing the same thing. I remember just staring at the screens trying to comprehend why on earth two planes would fly into those buildings; and then I remember the buildings crashing to the ground. 

After that, I just couldn't watch anymore. It was just depressing. There were people in there. All I could do was pray for the victims and their families. I called my mom at work, after many failed attempts since all phones that day were clearly going haywire, and just tried to check up on my other friends and family that weren't in arms reach of me. 

Ill definitely continue to remember this day forever.

Where were you on 9/11. What were you doing? How did is effect you?

Guess who gave birth?

Sitting around with my girlfriends at Starbucks for probably the 100th time, discussing only God knows what that day, I thought, the foolishness that we discuss on a daily basis, no one would ever believe what they heard. The good, the bad, and the questionably constructive criticism.

Not to mention, I'm pretty sure that these things do not just, happen to us. Even if we did tell stories about the things that happened to us, certainly no one would believe us, just because it's too outladish!  I'm not totally sure I would believe my friends if I didnt know them perosnally. Like the guy that basically got a hard on, while standing next to my girlfriend on the train in Dubai, or my girlfriend that "deep throated" a little "too deep" one night and barfed all over her boyfriend, or perhaps me getting so drunk that I gave a stranger a "champagne shower" because I thought it would be good for her scalp.

Weird?? Yes. Did those incidents really happen? Hell yes! Was I crying in laughter after I was told these stories-even my own that clearly had to be repeated back to me since I did not remember. Most definitely.

So. I gave birth to Tall Hot Latte. Randomness about me and my dating life, my friends and their foolishness, and anything that probably makes me giggle (or think a little too hard about for that matter) while alone in my car as I sit in traffic.

Get ready. It's no telling what I'm going to write about.