Don't be scared!

How often do you put yourself out there?

In life, yes, but more so in your dating life. Do you take chances? Do you try enough new things just to say that you tried it?

With my current boyfriend, I would definitely say that I put myself out there. We met 7 years ago. Basically, we overlooked each other and suddenly became a thing of the past, but for whatever reason, he never really left my mind. I always felt like he should see me one last time just so that I would know whether or not he and I were meant to be together.

What's the worst that could happen? We're not meant to be together and in the future I end up meeting someone that I was meant to be with, right? (Lucky for me, it worked out in my favor! Yippee skippee!)

I was thinking about how I took a chance, and put myself out there and how well it worked out for me. Then I wondered, how many women, choose to not  do that because they're scared. Sure, rejection is scary, but it's scary for everyone. It's a part of life, but, if you don't try something, you won't know the outcome .

I'm always an advocate for using your pretty. I can't even count how many times I've gone somewhere with my friends and we met some random guys at a bar or a restaurant etc and just strike up a random conversation. Normally, it's not a love connection, but who doesn't like good conversation and meeting new people... or even free food and drinks? Being a woman is super easy in that aspect as to where there is always some guy that is willing to pick up a tab for a pretty lady if she's just nice and fun to talk to.

I mean.. why not put yourself out there? What else do you have to lose? Don't be scared! Life is too short for that.

When was the last time you put yourself out there to meet someone or try something new?

Into the New Year

Remember "the new guy" that I went on a date with, that went shopping with me right after the breakup?

How about, I haven't heard from him at all since our date! WTF is that about? He wont answer my calls or my texts. I let that situation go. In the words of one of my girlfriends, he was just a rebound guy anyway.

Everything is looking so much better!! I had an awesome New Year that I celebrated out of town. Of course TP still texts me once a week to "check" on me. How nice of him right? HA! What a jackass. I know he's doing that solely because he doesn't want me to get over him and his stupidity.

It's funny how you can think something is so wonderful and amazing and then you later realize how whack it really was in the first place. I hate to quote Beyonce but, "it sucks to be you right now!"

I do not do resolutions since I feel that resolutions are something that you should be doing in the first place. Instead, I do goal setting. As opposed to traditionally just writing down all of my goals, I create a vision board. As your goals will probably change throughout the year as you accomplish them, so does your vision board. I've been thinking about everything that I want to accomplish this year and I've been frantically flipping through magazines trying to get it together! As soon as it's completed, I'll have to post a picture! I think one of the most of important goals I have for the new year is to practice having patience. I always always always, want what I want, the moment that I want it, completely disregarding how there is a work in process with everything. Nothing in life is really instant. That's my goal for sure for this year. Hell. for the rest of my life.

Do you believe in resolutions? Why or why not? Do you prefer goal setting?

Is it really real?

After learning through experience, I have found that it is best to keep my opinions to myself unless I am specifically asked for them. Even when I am asked for my opinion, I should tone it down as much as possible, since most people really don't want your opinion, they actually just want to you to agree with whatever poppycock they are spouting at the moment.

I know a woman that is dating this man. As it has been relayed to me, the man is separated from his wife. In reference to the separation, he has told her that the entire marriage was a mistake and he got her pregnant on accident, but he loves his son. They are separated, however, he has not filed for divorce nor separation. (Does that mean they are just "verbally" separated?) He supposedly  is concerned with the custody of his child as he knows that it is going to be a custody battle. He no longer lives with his wife and has his own house and lives alone.

When she asks about filing for divorce and how it's going, he gets an attitude. When she finally asks him, how soon after the divorce do you think that we will get married,  his response was, well, we would really have to get to know each other and then go from there. (They've been dating for two years. How well do you they really need to get to know each other?)

She stopped seeing him and then started seeing him again. She now claims they're like best friends. ( I was unaware that you had sex with your best friend) He does ignorant things to her like tell her go to hell etc just to get a rise out of her to see how she will react. She blows up his phone, they have it out, and then they are back to square one. Yet she still sticks around after all of this. Is that really how a friend treats a friend? She swears that he's the most real guy that she's met in this town. She swears she loves him, he loves her, and that he's the person that she's supposed to marry. What does love really look like?

I have a few questions: is he really going to divorce his wife or is it just cheaper to keep her? Is he stringing the woman along? Is she his mistress? He has been disrespecting her for the past two years by not even filing for divorce? Are they really dating since he is legally still married? What's really going on? Why hasn't she stopped talking to him?Why is he stringing her along as such.

Do you have any insight on this? I'm certainly confused and would like some clarification.

PS. no, this is most definitely not me.

It's been a while, so much has happened

The wonderful fireman that I raved about. I haven't heard from him in a month. Not surprised. He had a whole lot more skeletons in his closet than I cared to look into. Don't get me started on his child's mother, who I'm pretty sure got pregnant on purpose, is probably trying to get back with him right now as I'm typing this. Let's just be honest. Any pregnancies after 21 is pretty much on purpose. if you can afford  to buy alcohol and porn, you can afford to take your ass down to Planned Parenthood and pick up a pack of ortho-tricylcen.







Something I have yet to speak on: It's hard to put your feelings down when you're really just a big huge ball of emotion. The guy I've been seeing off and on for about a year and half now pretty much officially broke up with me and told me it was over.Cue up, hit the road jack. He told me, in little to no words ( I saw it on facebook)  he was in relationship with someone else. Not that I didn't see it coming, not that I didn't think that we had a strange relationship, but, it just sucks to to be rejected. I wanted to get back together and then I didn't. He tried, and tried, and I had such a difficult time getting past things that he did before, I couldn't even see that he was trying because I was still upset and holding grudges. Of course, I didn't see any of these things until right now, when it's too late. I honestly feel like I loved him, hell, still do, but it seems like my selfishness and being blinded by complete foolishness got the best of me and now I have to suffer my own punishment.

That too little too late stuff is so real. 

Texting him and calling him and crying and apologizing and crying some more and apologizing even harder with hopes that he'll change his mind never works. I didn't expect for it to, but I did feel that I owed him an apology. I thought about how much I must've hurt his feelings. Been there, and I completely understand that horrid rechid feeling. That for damn sure deserved an apology as I never want to hurt anyone's feelings period. He told me that I didn't owe him an apology at all, and that we were cool, but I had to apologize anyway.  

There's probably ten thousand things I could do differently, but at this point, I'm just trying not to cry and think about how I need to make myself a better person for the next relationship. When would that freaking be? I have no clue. Especially since, I wake up every single morning thinking about him and how I screwed things up and that it's all my fault and it's just not fixable period. The bestie says, I'll appreciate the next man a whole lot more. She's probably right, but, it's hard to think that far in advance when you feel like poo about the entire situation. My other  girlfriend wasn't particularly his biggest fan, but she was supportive even when he screwed up. And he screwed up a lot. She says it's about how you grow from it. Everything is about to make me grow the size of giant. 

Oh. This guy. His name is TP.

Date #2

Date #2

After being pleased with my first date with the fireman, I decided to give the second date a go. He let me call the shots with the first date and let me choose the place so, for the second date; I made sure to let him make the call.

Initially, we were supposed to get together around lunch time, but I ended up having to do a favor for a friend and had to bail, however, I did make it a point to let him know that I hadn’t forgotten about him and our plans and texted him. After receiving no response whatsoever via text, I gave him call. Silly me, I forgot that he was studying all day since he’s in school to be a paramedic. Of course he picked up with the quickness when he saw me calling though!

After going back and forth about what we were going to do, he finally made a decision. He decided that we were going to go to Macaroni Grill and then go to the movies.

I was kind of excited about going to the Macaroni Grill since I had never been there before AND he remembered that I had been wanting to see Paranormal Activity 4 so I was uber ecstatic! (yay for guys that pay attention!)

I sure was NOT comfortable with him picking me up at my house just yet (he does not need to know where I live just yet), so I met him at the restaurant. He was waiting outside for me (which made me a little happy on the inside especially since, if it was me, I’d be waiting on the inside at the bar, in the warmth) and gave me a big hug when he saw me. We go in and get seated and because I tend to be subconsciously observant, I noticed the server was super cute. (I know, really? Elle? I have got to do better and focus on more important things) I was super overwhelmed with all the wonderful options so when I asked the server his option, he made it a point to go through just about every single option on the menu. I have reason to believe that he was flirting with me but I tried my best to play it off and shoo him away subtly in front of my date.

I couldn’t tell you the name of what I ordered but, it was grilled something with lettuce and angel hair pasta. The conversation was great and I got a little more insight on he, and his family, and his 4 other siblings. (Why does that seem like a lot of siblings to me?) Amazingly, they all seem pretty normal. The do lots of “family like” stuff like my family do and seem to have traditions and things that they do around the holidays, which I REALLY like! 

After dinner we left and we went to the movies. I’m a nerd and I like scary movies. Not blood and gore and guts, but scary movies that give you the willies and make you want to figure out how they created the effects. I’ve seen Paranormal Activity 1-3, so seeing Paranormal Activity 4 was an absolute must! We watched it and the movie didn’t make me jump throughout the movie as the other 3, but the last 20 minutes was certainly a clincher! (Getting to jump back and squeeze his hand when I got “scared” was a super bonus too, as I also got to practice my surprised yet pleasantly scared facial expressions)

When the date ended, he walked me to my car and no way did we kiss in the mouth. I haven’t even kissed him on the cheek. A hug is sufficient at this point. I most definitely want to see him again though. He seems like he’s genuinely a good guy!  Maybe he and I could find something fun to do for Halloween? I'm definitely taking suggestions on that!

My next project is to pick a date (since I assume it will be my turn to choose), that does not involve eating but more physical activity like rock climbing or arts and crafts or something. I don’t want to break the bank though. Dating gets expensive and I think the right thing for me to do would be for me to come up with something and actually pay for it so he's not always stuck out.

What kind of date could I take us on that’s fun and different and is cost effective? Any suggestions?

Match.com Date

Remember how I talked about finally being brave enough to check out Match.com? Well, this weekend I got even more brave and even went on a date with a guy from Match.com! Even better,  he's a fireman! I've always wanted to date a fireman!

On Match, you can “wink” at someone as your way of letting them know that you’re interested, before actually attempting to send something semi-reasonable and borderline corny to their inbox. (In facebook lingo, it would be “poking” someone, but not nearly as annoying).

He winks at me, and I wink back and I muster up the balls to actually send him something that wasn’t corny (and I am corny so I’m not quite sure how what I sent, wasn't corny) . I’m pretty sure I asked him where he was from or how long he’d lived here; something that would force him to write something back to me. He writes me back and we do this back and forth game and he finally gives me his number and puts the ball in my court. (granted, if this was face to face, I’d probably be salty as he should have asked me for my number, but since email has no real tone, I didn’t think anything of it).

I had an extremely long day Saturday, but he seemed pretty together, so I texted him and we went back and forth for a couple hours and he finally got the balls to call me! ( you wouldn’t believe how I squealed like a school girl when his number popped up! You would swear I was 16 again and made everyone in the house shut up so I could sound cool!)

We chatted for a good 30 minutes to an hour and we really hit it off and seemed to have a lot in common. He really took it to the next level and asked me out to dinner! I was UBER impressed! (Since normally I’m like, uh, can we do something a little more creative instead of stuff our faces?) So we met up Saturday evening at Oddfellows (because I’m no fool, we need to be in a public place) and it was a very nice yet still casual first date.

Granted, he did not look like the picture he had posted online. The picture online was obviously a younger photo of him from college but I let him slide since my picture wasn’t exactly the most recent. He did favor his picture but older and more muscular (which I LOVED and I always wanted to date a hot fireman anyway!)  I will say though, that he got major kudos for telling me that pictures do me no justice and that I’m amazing in person.The conversation was very light and fun. We joked a lot, which I enjoyed ( I hate it when guys are too serious and don’t have a goofy side! I’m like uh… do you know who you’re talking to right now? My favorite movie is Ace Ventura: Pet Detective).

We didn’t make it a long night and he was very gentleman-ly ( is that even a word? Probably not, I bet I made it up). He pulled my chair out, opened the door for me, paid the tab etc (in short, all the things a man is supposed to do that he should not be getting credit for)  and most importantly, DID NOT GO IN FOR A KISS when he walked me to my car. (that’s nasty, mono is real. I don’t kiss folks in the mouth all willy nilly) He sooooooo would have gotten his feelings hurt if he did try that! He got a light one armed hug (because I didn’t want to press my boobies against him so he can inhale the scents that make me wonderful)  and we went our separate ways.

He texted me when he got home to make sure I got home safely (although I went to a party afterwards- but that’s another story). I appreciated the fact that he was just checking on me. We texted the next day and actually I can’t wait to go out with him again! He’s a cool dude!

Here’s the question: where should we go on our next date? He’s pretty much open to  just about anything I want to do, so I should certainly make it a good one! Any suggestions? I definitely want something interactive!

He likes it, so I like it, right?

To answer the headline question, Absolutely not!

I loathe seeing women, well, actually, men and women for that matter, change themselves, just because of who they may be seeing at the moment. So many times I've seen more women than men mostly, start pretending to like something, mainly because their boyfriend likes something. Basketball, football, darts, monster truck rallies, etc. Sound familiar?

I'm not for this, ever! Why should you have to pretend to like something, just because someone else does? Differences is what makes the world go around!

I will have to admit, there aren't too many things that I feel I may need to "pretend" to like, but, if there is something that I happen to not be "into", I'll make an honest attempt to take an interest in what you like, even if I need to say a little prayer before the activity takes place. Dating and relationships are about compromise right?

I'm not the biggest football fan, mainly because I don't always understand what the haites the referees are talking about half of the time, but the remainder of the times, it's actually quite intense and interesting. When hanging out with men, I'm fully aware I cannot ask random questions about the sport as to not annoy all the men in the room, but I do tend to save the more important questions for commercials and half time. Also, if watching a football game together is a means for us to spend quality time together, then I'll take it! I tend to make everything that I do fun, so it's never nearly as bad as I create it to be.

I must say, the one thing I did do that bored me stiff, was when I dated a guy that played flag football, and I had to pretend that I enjoyed it. I don't really like flag football (just because, there are too man rules of what you "can't" do to me),  but the flag football wasn't the problem. It was the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad news bears team he was a part of that irked the crap out of me. (In case you're wondering, no, this was not in college, this was grown men in their late twenties and thirties that were trying to re-live their NFL dreams via flag football). I think I have been more entertained at a 1st grade soccer game. You can imagine how excited I was when we stopped seeing each other! it was a dream come true! Ever since that debacle, I didn't do that again! Lesson learned!

Be yourself, that's always the policy for me, and if you don't like something that someone you're dating likes, it's ok! You're not going to like what everyone likes all the time.

Have you ever dated someone that you felt like you needed to pretend to like to keep them into you? Did it work out? What was the result?

Help! I'm not attracted to him!

Ever met guy that has the complete package?

How's this description for you:  Kind, considerate, sweet, goal orientated, and has a stable job. Involved in the community. Owns a large 3 story home with pool and service quarters in the backyard that he's actually renting out. Loves to travel to exotic places. Very open to trying new things. He has a great relationship with his family. Sounds like a prince right?

Too bad you have no attraction to him whatsoever!

Has this ever happened to any of you? This has happened to me  and my girlfriends one too many times. At some point I started to think that something was wrong with us!

My friend JJ, met this guy named Beal. He had everything listed in the description above. Too bad, she had no attraction to this guy whatsoever. He took her on great dates and provided good conversation. Technically, she should be in love with him, right? He liked her bunches! If only it was that cut and dry.

Although my friend JJ was having a great time with him, she knew it was going no where after about the 4th date. She did make an honest attempt to be friends with him though. I mean, a girl has to keep a plethora of social options available, right? After she slapped him into the friend zone , he decides to have a small house party. He of course invites her, and she lets the wheels start turning in her head. She thinks, he's not cute and  I have no attraction to him whatsoever, but maybe he has cute friends! Why not bring my friends to meet his friends? Smart right?!

We go the party. Cute guy friends indeed were there. I do get approached  by one, and I'm thinking yay! Go me! I go on a date with the guy, and come to realize, this guy is not nearly as cute as I thought he was! Curse the effects of meeting a guy in a dimly lit house!

The same thing that happed to my friend JJ, is the same thing that happened to me! Good qualities, good dates, good conversation, no attraction to the guy whatsoever. Now granted, this man looked at me constantly like, "Damn! How the hell did I catch her?" And I was fully aware of how he felt. I even tried to force my feelings, but it was right up there with shoving a square peg into a round hole. He got slapped into the friends zone as too.

Regardless of what anyone says, you cannot make yourself be attacted to someone. Trust me. I tried. I know JJ tried, but it just wasnt happening. You can't force it, even if you want to.

If someone offered to pay me though, I'd be really open to faking it.

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever dated someone that you wanted to like really bad, but you just couldn't? Even if they really like you?

I stopped being scared and gave in!

I swear I’ve been hit on guys from places like my niece’s daycare all the way to guys in the strip club. ( I know what you’re thinking! Elle, are you a stripper for your side gig? The answer is no, not at all! But I may frequent them for entertainment purposes from time to time!) After being fed up with the dating game I figured it was time to change it up a little bit. Why not try internet dating? What do I really have to do lose?

I finally got brave and decided to check out Match. Com. Why Match.com you ask? Well.  Everyone I know seems to know at least one person that has had some success with the site. I even know someone that has had such success with the site that he even found his wife on there, so I figured, why not give it a whirl? My thought is, internet dating gives you the chance to meet people that you probably wouldn’t meet under normal circumstances. As in, if you like the museum, you and the person that you run into on match.com, may not necessarily go to the same museum that you like, so this just might give you that chance.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Internet dating is for ugly people, right?! Not necessarily! I don’t think I’m that ugly and after doing a little research I found a low profiled celebrity that met her mate on match.com too! Can we say Ricki Lake and Jenny Mccarthy? 

I told one of my girlfriends about it and she told me to do a trial run for a week. After a 15 minute google session of locating a password to get the fee waived for a week, I was  kind of intrigued. I kept thinking, these guys have to be worth something if they are willing to actually subscribe to a dating site!  Of course the first day I find a guy that is absolutely gorgeous! I messaged him ( did you think I wasn’t going to?) but, have yet to hear anything back. As a matter of fact, I messaged a few guys. I’m actually starting to think that they put some of these guys pictures just to reel women like me in! 

Even though I have lots to say (clearly) I got all discombobulated when it came time for to put something fancy together for that whole "description of me/what do you want" section. I just made it short and sweet. Then I only posted one picture. I didn't want to give them too much. 

The site is pretty thorough and they try pretty hard to match you with someone that has interests very close to your own. They do daily matches for and you can see who winked at you so you can then decipher if you actually want to communicate with them or not. What beats that? What I like most is how I get to ignore ugly men that message me! In person when you meet an ugly guy, you have to be nice and let them down gently of fear of being punched in face (don't act like you don't know men are sensitive!), but with internet dating, you can just press delete and ignore them! it doesn't get any better than that. I like having complete control of the situation.

The best part is, you do not have to feel pressured to give your number out! yet again, if you lose interest, delete and ignore! No sense in dragging it out if they can't even hold a decent conversation via email. 

All in all, I'm interested to see how this goes, but, I have been chatting the two guys and they seem pretty decent thus far. Im excited to keep you posted.

Are you interested in internet dating? Why or why not?

Just When I Thought It Was Over (part two)

So what ended up happening after I received the last text message?

I went back and forth and back forth and originally I was not going to respond to the madness of that text. I was secretly hoping that one of the other 10 girls that were texted in addition to me would be dumb enough to reply all and spill the beans on what really happened with their relationship with Sean. Or Frank. Or whatever his name really is. I was thinking, this girl is not going to be happy with anything that I have to tell her, whether it’s good or bad. I’m going to let it go and not respond. What exactly would my purpose be?

I’m scrolling through every single phone number that is listed and I noticed that I was the only Texas girl listed on the text. As a matter of fact, I was the only one listed out of state. Everyone else had a Manhattan cell phone number. On that alone I was amazed! New York is even bigger than I thought! Where I live, via 6 degrees of separation, I’m pretty sure he would have dug himself a nice little hole within the first 6 months of his lies. I know somebody would have known somebody and he would have been cold busted! Oh to dream….

But anyway. I finally decided to give the girl a little closure and text her back what went down between Sean and I. I wrote her:

                “I lift you up in prayer. Sean and I met in Florida and he later visited Texas. We reunited in New York when I visited some family there in 2009. He stood me up with no explanation. It was evident something was awry. He was leaving his paralegal career and completing his forensic science studies at the time. I do not believe in pre marital relations for religious reasons, so we were never intimate. It’s good to confirm my suspicions. I wish you all the best at this difficult juncture.”

She texted me back in less than 5 minutes with:

                “Thank you so much. I have never been hurt like this and I need all the prayer I can get. Thank you. “

So I gave the girl some of closure she wanted.

Oh. I did “leave out” the part to where he told me he was a paralegal but I later found out he was really a file manager at a law firm. Funny right? I think that was majority of the reason that he decided to stop talk to me, especially since I have relatives that are attorneys in New York and in New Jersey and he was most definitely going to be found out with the quickness. I guess everything happens for a reason right?

 I haven’t heard from him in weeks. He’s been trying his hardest to face time me but he has horrible timing so I’m never available when he tries to contact me. Maybe that’s for the better huh? I’ll tell you this though, I have never been so happy in my life to have kept my legs closed! I guess all those years of not being big hoe paid off!

If this was you, how would you have handled this entire situation? Would you have had pity on the woman or would you have not cared? Could I have handled this any differently?